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It's Always the Quiet One

by Lauren Edman

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1.
Wasting 03:17
I'm possessed of a very strong weirdness filter cultivated from the best intentions for protection self-preservation strict observation of every reaction Now I don't know who I am I've lost myself So sad where does the time go now what now? A little tweak here and there Nothing to see here nothing at all I don't know who I am I’ve lost myself for your approval
2.
Slate 04:44
We're standing by the river Your eyes are black circles and I picture you in gray The call sounds off the water and I wait for your reflection in the shallow waves In your songs you sound so weary but I see you in the clearing and say "Don't cry, ‘cause it's never getting any easier" It's fourteen years today I'd have so many questions if I had the chance Still the call spins through the valleys It's loud and it is ugly and it draws me in In your songs you sound so weary but I see you in the clearing and say "Don't cry, ‘cause it's never getting any easier" Was that the last time I would get to see you screaming at the light of day Could it be the first time there's nothing for you to say Maybe in my next life I'll be able to stop and turn away Or maybe this is it and I'm wasting all I have on the gray I'll see you by the river with eyes of black forever and a coat of pallid gray The call sounds off the water and I wait for your reflection in the shallow waves
3.
Charge 04:26
She looks out through the window but he never really sees “Life is passing by, my love is carried with the breeze It's time for us to change It's time to be renewed You must be strong without me now like I am without you” She is not a beacon She is not a dream She's everything you wanted with some colors in between Light bends differently within the water from the air and love like light through prisms can be scattered worse for wear This is another angle to the girl you knew before I hope you can forgive me some for slamming you ashore It's time for us to change It's time to be renewed You must be strong without me now like I am without you
4.
Be the Light 04:09
Cooped up in your room again Lighting up and venting through the air shafts that know all the escapes Disguising a depth you'd never let out You'd sooner smoke the thoughts away Your past calls to you Ghosts of the lost years haunt you Sometimes you let me in but you back off then and let those moments fade shrouding them in fixed oblivion We're getting closer these days and I wish I could be the light at the end of this tunnel but you're driving still, don't know where you're going still Too many turns still ahead Something starts when they arrive You smile at the strangest times Sugar-eyed you talk so sweet But all the angels only lose their wings You see what festers underneath So you turn away and I wish I could be the dawn to end this night but you're sleeping still, letting dreams carry you until you don't wake up anymore You're so confounded Turned off by your surroundings so corrupt and nothing like the world you wish this was I wanna show you there's still beauty in this godforsaken place maybe not the common kind maybe not what you had in mind So you probably think I'm scared but I'm just self-aware and staying safe at bay but I would wrap myself around you if I knew that's what you wanted assure you 'til you knew it was okay
5.
Sweet Girl 02:55
You say I'm a sweet girl I don't know about that I got blood on my teeth and ashes in my backpack Siphons for fingers and splinters in my mind You say I'm a sweet girl Boy you tell a sweet lie I don't make it easy for anyone to know me I got too many sides all mixed up and conflicting You thought I was a loner 'til one day I asked you out No I don't make it easy and I can't take it back now My walls are barren white My clothes are mostly plain I don't step out of line I'm not on display The next time I see you I'll wish that I could tell you I don't blame you at all but I know that won't get through You'll go on thinking that I'm nice but unaware So next time I see you I'll be staying in here
6.
Red Wings 03:06
You bury me slowly under your red wings Do you even sense it? You're out of bounds now Flying out to where no one cares to find you No one can stand you That's what they tell me But what can I do but listen quietly while they bury you slowly under your red wings Do you even sense it? You're underground now Fighting no one ‘cause no one cares to fight you You're out of bounds now and what can you do and what can you do and what can you do
7.
What did you do? Why did you do it? This is the last thing that should be happening to you With all that's at stake Why did you do it? This is the last thing that should be happening right now Life was pretty bad but it just got a hell of a lot worse You threw your hands up Now your blessing is a curse Oh lord you know better than this You probably thought you were unhappy Well that pales in comparison to this, doesn't it? All this because you were unhappy It doesn't seem like a good reason, does it? Life was pretty bad but it just got a hell of a lot worse You threw your hands up Now your blessing is a curse Oh lord you know better than this And we changed all the locks ‘cause of you ‘cause we don't know what you wouldn't do
8.
Silent 03:05
Silent in the new year’s coming each night filled with Saturdays quiet and alone on Saturdays awake from a night where nothing really happened unwind from a day where nothing ever happens again and again again and again every day Suddenly it's six months later I’ve lost all there was to me nowhere close to where I thought I'd be got to get out got to get out
9.
This Is It 03:17
It's easy to say you'd never do that when you've never been there It's easy to say you'd never let that happen when you've never had the chance I try to stay right but life takes its turn The choice is hard no matter what you've learned It's easy to say you'd never be in that situation but you don't know Sometimes I'm just like a bird that has clipped its own wings Content to stay in one place, caged alone with food and water as long as it can sing You tear me down as you hit the floor when you feel bad but don't recall what for Apologies don't keep me here They don't block the door I hate to love you I hate to care But as soon as I turn around to fly you are there singing your sweet song you can be so sweet So I pray for a better future a better state of mind I may not believe in God but I still believe in you
10.
Steady as she goes tearing down the signs And now he knows he can never find her Don't look so helpless standing there with your hands held down by your side She's not here She's not here She's not here She knows the sound of the snow on the road as the cars drive by when there's no one home He gives her shirts that he's worn for a day so he stays with her while she hides away There's one in a plastic bag in the closet There's one in a plastic bag on the floor She will always return He should know this There's one in a plastic bag in her dresser drawer Put away the lines Pull down all the blinds It's nothing now You can never find her Don't look so helpless standing there with your hands held down by your side She's not here She's not here She's not here

about

When you get told time after time, year after year, and by all sorts of different people that you are quiet... even if you don't feel that way in your head, eventually the idea starts to stick.

credits

released March 27, 2012

All songs written, produced, performed, and engineered by Lauren Edman

Mastered by Steven Berson at Total Sonic Media, Brooklyn, NY

Cover art by Acey Thompson and Marcus Gannuscio

Photo by Adam W. Cohen at Inextinguishable Productions

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about

Lauren Edman North Carolina

Singer/songwriter/producer/engineer. I also make music under the name Northern Flicker.

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