It's Always the Quiet One

by Lauren Edman

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03:17
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04:44
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04:26
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04:09
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02:55
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03:06
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03:05
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03:17
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about

When you get told time after time, year after year, and by all sorts of different people that you are quiet... even if you don't feel that way in your head, eventually the idea starts to stick.

credits

released March 27, 2012

All songs written, produced, performed, and engineered by Lauren Edman

Mastered by Steven Berson at Total Sonic Media, Brooklyn, NY

Cover art by Acey Thompson and Marcus Gannuscio

Photo by Adam W. Cohen at Inextinguishable Productions

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license

all rights reserved

about

Lauren Edman New York, New York

Singer, composer, and producer in New York City.

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Contact Lauren Edman

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Track Name: Wasting
I'm possessed of a very strong weirdness filter
cultivated from the best intentions
for protection
self-preservation
strict observation of every reaction

Now I don't know who I am
I've lost myself

So sad
where does the time go now
what now?
A little tweak here and there
Nothing to see here
nothing at all

I don't know who I am
I’ve lost myself
for your approval
Track Name: Slate
We're standing by the river
Your eyes are black circles and I picture you in gray
The call sounds off the water
and I wait for your reflection in the shallow waves

In your songs you sound so weary
but I see you in the clearing and say
"Don't cry, ‘cause it's never getting any easier"

It's fourteen years today
I'd have so many questions if I had the chance
Still the call spins through the valleys
It's loud and it is ugly
and it draws me in

In your songs you sound so weary
but I see you in the clearing and say
"Don't cry, ‘cause it's never getting any easier"

Was that the last time I would get to see you
screaming at the light of day
Could it be the first time
there's nothing for you to say
Maybe in my next life I'll be able to stop and turn away
Or maybe this is it
and I'm wasting all I have on the gray

I'll see you by the river
with eyes of black forever
and a coat of pallid gray
The call sounds off the water
and I wait for your reflection
in the shallow waves
Track Name: Charge
She looks out through the window
but he never really sees
“Life is passing by, my love
is carried with the breeze
It's time for us to change
It's time to be renewed
You must be strong without me now
like I am without you”

She is not a beacon
She is not a dream
She's everything you wanted
with some colors in between
Light bends differently
within the water from the air
and love like light through prisms
can be scattered worse for wear

This is another angle to the girl you knew before
I hope you can forgive me some for slamming you ashore
It's time for us to change
It's time to be renewed
You must be strong without me now
like I am without you
Track Name: Be the Light
Cooped up in your room again
Lighting up and venting through the air shafts
that know all the escapes
Disguising a depth you'd never let out
You'd sooner smoke the thoughts away
Your past calls to you
Ghosts of the lost years haunt you
Sometimes you let me in
but you back off then and let those moments fade
shrouding them in fixed oblivion

We're getting closer these days
and I wish I could be the light at the end of this tunnel
but you're driving still, don't know where you're going still
Too many turns still ahead

Something starts when they arrive
You smile at the strangest times
Sugar-eyed you talk so sweet
But all the angels only lose their wings
You see what festers underneath
So you turn away
and I wish I could be the dawn to end this night
but you're sleeping still, letting dreams carry you until
you don't wake up anymore

You're so confounded
Turned off by your surroundings
so corrupt and nothing like the world you wish this was
I wanna show you there's still beauty in this godforsaken place
maybe not the common kind
maybe not what you had in mind

So you probably think I'm scared
but I'm just self-aware and staying safe at bay
but I would wrap myself around you
if I knew that's what you wanted
assure you 'til you knew it was okay
Track Name: Sweet Girl
You say I'm a sweet girl
I don't know about that
I got blood on my teeth and ashes in my backpack
Siphons for fingers and splinters in my mind
You say I'm a sweet girl
Boy you tell a sweet lie

I don't make it easy
for anyone to know me
I got too many sides all mixed up and conflicting
You thought I was a loner 'til one day I asked you out
No I don't make it easy
and I can't take it back now

My walls are barren white
My clothes are mostly plain
I don't step out of line
I'm not on display

The next time I see you
I'll wish that I could tell you
I don't blame you at all
but I know that won't get through
You'll go on thinking that I'm nice but unaware
So next time I see you
I'll be staying in here
Track Name: Red Wings
You bury me slowly under your red wings
Do you even sense it?
You're out of bounds now
Flying out to where no one cares to find you

No one can stand you
That's what they tell me
But what can I do but listen quietly
while they bury you slowly
under your red wings
Do you even sense it?

You're underground now
Fighting no one ‘cause no one cares to fight you
You're out of bounds now
and what can you do
and what can you do
and what can you do
Track Name: Desperate Times
What did you do?
Why did you do it?
This is the last thing that should be happening to you
With all that's at stake
Why did you do it?
This is the last thing that should be happening right now

Life was pretty bad
but it just got a hell of a lot worse
You threw your hands up
Now your blessing is a curse

Oh lord you know better than this

You probably thought you were unhappy
Well that pales in comparison to this, doesn't it?
All this because you were unhappy
It doesn't seem like a good reason, does it?

Life was pretty bad
but it just got a hell of a lot worse
You threw your hands up
Now your blessing is a curse

Oh lord you know better than this

And we changed all the locks ‘cause of you
‘cause we don't know what you wouldn't do
Track Name: Silent
Silent in the new year’s coming
each night filled with Saturdays
quiet and alone on Saturdays
awake from a night where nothing really happened
unwind from a day where nothing ever happens
again and again
again and again
every day

Suddenly it's six months later
I’ve lost all there was to me
nowhere close to where I thought I'd be

got to get out
got to get out
Track Name: This Is It
It's easy to say you'd never do that
when you've never been there
It's easy to say you'd never let that happen
when you've never had the chance
I try to stay right but life takes its turn
The choice is hard no matter what you've learned
It's easy to say you'd never be in that situation
but you don't know

Sometimes I'm just like a bird that has clipped its own wings
Content to stay in one place, caged
alone with food and water
as long as it can sing
You tear me down as you hit the floor
when you feel bad but don't recall what for
Apologies don't keep me here
They don't block the door

I hate to love you
I hate to care
But as soon as I turn around to fly
you are there
singing your sweet song
you can be so sweet

So I pray for a better future
a better state of mind
I may not believe in God
but I still believe in you
Track Name: She's Not Here
Steady as she goes tearing down the signs
And now he knows he can never find her
Don't look so helpless standing there
with your hands held down by your side
She's not here
She's not here
She's not here

She knows the sound of the snow on the road
as the cars drive by when there's no one home
He gives her shirts that he's worn for a day
so he stays with her
while she hides away

There's one in a plastic bag in the closet
There's one in a plastic bag on the floor
She will always return
He should know this
There's one in a plastic bag in her dresser drawer

Put away the lines
Pull down all the blinds
It's nothing now
You can never find her
Don't look so helpless standing there
with your hands held down by your side
She's not here
She's not here
She's not here